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STUDENT RESPONSE
I immediately set the scene for a 'secret' location by using the phrase 'have to follow a winding. gritty path' which leads the reader to the lake itself. Then, by including the clause 'you can stand looking down' I made the reader see the lake from a distance. which adds to the idea of it being hidden.
I tried to evoke the colours of the scene by including noun phrases like 'emerald water' and 'tiny, white flowers'.
I also tried to convey the movements through reference to the 'nodding heads' of the flowers and the verb 'flutter' which emphasizes the way their petals shake.
ACTIVITY 2
Which key elements of the task has the student managed to include in this part of their commentary? Find examples of:
1 how the student has 'helped the reader imagine the scene'
2 comments on the mood or atmosphere created
3 evaluation of how well sounds, color and movement have been evoked.
