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Is this a good intro and thesis for an argumentative essay?

Doyle is famous for creating stories about one of the most brilliant and memorable characters in English literature, Sherlock Holmes. Throughout his stories, except one, Holmes is obsessively confident, intelligent, and is always one step ahead of the criminals he's chasing. He is known to be a successful detective. However, in The Final Problem, there is a catalyst that changes the game and causes Holmes to be fearful, less confident, and where he finally meets his match--the world's most dangerous criminal.

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Answer:

Try this instead

Explanation:

Doyle is best known by his stories about Sherlock Holmes, one of the most brilliant and memorable characters in English literature. Except for one story, Holmes is relentlessly confident, intelligent, and always one step ahead of the criminals he tracks.

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